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Don't
Contributed by
unluckicharmz
on
Tuesday, 14th June 2005 @ 10:48:52 PM in AEST
Topic:
AngryPoetry
|
Stop!
dont touch me! my wounds are still open
i just cant help but cry
dont yell at me
i feel this way because of you
dont try and comfort mei need to be this way for a while
dont tell me you love me
i know it cant be true
dont blame anyone
you started this one yourself
dont take my razor
ill need it when you leave
dont think about staying
i want you out
dont leave your ***** here
it wont be any use to me
dont try to kiss me goodbye
ive already said all im gonna say
dont think about coming back
ive made up my mind
dont look back
its already over
Copyright ©
unluckicharmz
... [
2005-06-14 22:48:52]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Don't
(User Rating: 1 )
by razorbladesangel45 on
Tuesday, 14th June 2005 @ 11:29:11 PM AEST
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Info | Send
a Message)
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| wow shawna i love your writing it shows awsome feeling and emotions, i could really feel your anger in the poem |
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Re: Don't
(User Rating: 1 )
by Essentially9 on
Tuesday, 14th June 2005 @ 11:31:04 PM AEST
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a Message)
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| well as i told you in the forums, the whole comment please thing doesnt go over well and you actually wont get some comments because of it. your title, don't, its very simple and it makes you wonder dont do what. nice touch. in poems i like to see punctuation such as it's and you're. commas and periods, they are fine, but sometimes i read things wrong in a poem because of bad grammar and i cant understand the words, or i lose flow with it. it also makes you look more professional, so does capitalization, spelling things correctly, and not having typos. to me, to see that an author that works on their poem is what makes me like them instantly when i first see it. you had a good concept, but not really portrayed as well as i would have hoped. you can join lines with contractions so that you dont repeat things so many times. i see dont a lot in this piece, and words lose meaning when used so many times in a piece. i think that a poem should be powerful or emotional and meaningful. some other things, stanzas make a piece look a bit more visually appealing at least in my perspective. you can try rhymine some in your piece if you like so that it sounds better when read here and there. i think that with time, youll be an excellent author. you have a pretty good start, reminds me of a lot of my earlier work, except i had a lot of pointless stuff in there that had no worth to the piece whats so ever. keep writing. |
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