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Kid
Contributed by
Mild_Tempest
on
Monday, 20th June 2005 @ 01:38:37 PM in AEST
Topic:
SadPoetry
|
Hes the kid sitting down,
Hes the kid with a frown.
Hes the kid that is blue,
Hes the kid whos a statue.
Hes the kid who is sad,
Hes the kid who is mad.
Hes the kid who is small,
Hes the kid who cant recall.
Hes the kid others tease,
Hes the kid not at ease.
Hes the kid who isnt smart,
Hes the kid falling apart.
Hes the kid without a dad,
Hes the kid who isnt glad.
Hes the kid without a mom,
Hes the kid who isnt calm.
Hes the kid who is scared,
Hes the kid who was dared.
Hes the kid whos astray,
Hes the kid who ran away.
Hes the kid in my sight,
Hes the kid full of fright.
Copyright ©
Mild_Tempest
... [
2005-06-20 13:38:37]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Kid
(User Rating: 1 )
by FIX on
Monday, 20th June 2005 @ 01:50:38 PM AEST
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Info | Send
a Message)
|
Mild_Tempest, your the kid. No?
every line begins with 'He's the kid'
I hav'nt seen such repetition before
curious
FIX |
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Re: Kid
(User Rating: 1 )
by xXcrossedXx on
Monday, 20th June 2005 @ 04:50:51 PM AEST
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Info | Send
a Message)
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This was a good poem with a great concept.
The two things I would change to make it great is to take out the repitition, I can see why you wanted to use it but it takes away from the meaning behind this poem. Secondly, come up with an ending that ties up the poem and the reason you wrote it.
Nice write,
--amanda-- |
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Re: Kid
(User Rating: 1 )
by Archie on
Thursday, 11th August 2005 @ 06:47:00 PM AEST
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a Message)
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"He is a kid who is bold, because the storiy that he's told. And it's okay to be a little scared but please know that someone cares.
I think you did a good job on this. I am vaguely reminded of Dr Suese's "I don't like green eggs and ham" When i read this. |
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