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Take a Look
Contributed by
Mild_Tempest
on
Tuesday, 21st June 2005 @ 07:23:54 PM in AEST
Topic:
LoveRemembered
|
Take a look at the world out there,
See the scarlet sky so rare.
Feel the azure ocean breeze,
And let go of all your worries.
Take a look at the stars out there,
See in the air the thinning despair.
Feel the white glowing moon,
And soon well hear its tune.
Take a look at the beauty out there,
See the world and its clear air.
Feel the gentleness in your face,
And know that Im here to embrace.
Take a look at you out there,
See your happiness and care.
Feel your soul thats within,
And wonder where you have been.
Take a look at the heroes there,
See them sitting on a mare.
Feel the courage they radiate,
And release of all your hate.
Take a look at the love out there,
See that theres nothing to beware.
Feel my hand holding yours,
And see the heart which soars.
Copyright ©
Mild_Tempest
... [
2005-06-21 19:23:54]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Take a Look
(User Rating: 1 )
by Fionndruinne on
Tuesday, 21st June 2005 @ 07:31:11 PM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
A well-penned piece. You've drawn on a very poetic theme, and it is refreshing and inspiring reading.
As a slight criticism, the second line of the fifth stanza fell a little flat with me. Just felt a little like it was mostly worded to get the rhyme, rather than to say it best.
Keep it up!
Andrew |
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Re: Take a Look
(User Rating: 1 )
by gwenevere on
Wednesday, 22nd June 2005 @ 04:36:07 PM AEST
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| Lovely words, lovelty theme.I do agree with Andrew, just take a look and see if you can alter one or two words to help the flow,Ros |
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