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Edge
Contributed by
sprinter27
on
Saturday, 25th June 2005 @ 09:34:06 PM in AEST
Topic:
Suicide
|
Im on the edge
Standing on the ledge
Im ready to jump
I am pumped
This fall of 100 feet
Shall and will defeat
Me and shall put an end
To me, for I dont defend
Im taking the leap
Im falling deep
This isnt a dream
There isnt a gentle stream
In sight, just rock and hardness
And Im falling without a harness
Some call it free-falling
I call it death-leaping
I look up at the ledge
Im slipping away from the edge
Copyright ©
sprinter27
... [
2005-06-25 21:34:06]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Edge
(User Rating: 1 )
by xXcrossedXx on
Monday, 27th June 2005 @ 06:20:52 AM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
I think the rhyming seemed a bit forced in some places and I think you could have come up with a better ending but that could just be my bad mood talking. This was a good poem in short story form with lots of description.
Keep it up,
amanda |
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Re: Edge
(User Rating: 1 )
by xXcrossedXx on
Monday, 27th June 2005 @ 06:20:52 AM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
I think the rhyming seemed a bit forced in some places and I think you could have come up with a better ending but that could just be my bad mood talking. This was a good poem in short story form with lots of description.
Keep it up,
amanda |
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