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He Said .:Sorry:.
Contributed by
BloodyTearDrops
on
Saturday, 2nd July 2005 @ 06:39:45 PM in AEST
Topic:
ApologyPoetry
|
They we at the the park
Darkness was all around them.
He had said some rude stuff
To his wonderful girlfriend.
He finally took her by the hand
And looked deeply into her eyes.
Her brown eyes were brimmen with tears
And they were black stains on her cheek from crying.
He kissed her forehead
She smiled to him.
His eyes started to twinkle
Then he told her "I am so sorry."
Copyright ©
BloodyTearDrops
... [
2005-07-02 18:39:45]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: He Said .:Sorry:.
(User Rating: 1 )
by Essentially9 on
Saturday, 2nd July 2005 @ 09:32:25 PM AEST
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Info | Send
a Message)
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| i had no idea what you were trying to say in the first line. needs some work in grammar, and to make simple statements more poetic. i think saying why he was sorry would have made this poem better, and added some emotion of why sorry is so important to hear, etc. |
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Re: He Said .:Sorry:.
(User Rating: 1 )
by AmyLee4Ever on
Sunday, 3rd July 2005 @ 11:56:29 AM AEST
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I agree with the comment above. The biggest thing is to make common statements more poetic. More flowing...
Jodi |
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