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Demons.
Contributed by
LiquidChaos
on
Wednesday, 10th November 2004 @ 05:16:17 PM in AEST
Topic:
SongLyrics
|
today i learned the only way to fall is face down. do you know how much it hurts to write this out? do you listen for the sound or for the feeling that's behind it? cause today you know i lost it and i lost the part of me that loves to live. i'm running faster to a place where i can give up. i'm running but not moving, and your arrogence is soothing so i'll let you take control. take my life. make me whole. you know i'm getting good at this--this meaningless existance. the place between your love and my charade. your words fall on deaf ears. you don't need to make me hear--your words are bullets. i'll be dead within the hour. watch me bleed. i'll watch you cower. you know how much i hate to let you go. could you leave me here alone? am i a danger to myself? you know i love the way you melt when i tell you that we're through. well we're through so fire away with all your fears and your dismay at my intentions. i intend to bring you down. i won't save you now, you'll surely drown. do you listen for the sound or for the feeling that's behind it? today you know i lost it and i lost the part of me that loves to live. i'm not sure just how much more i can give.
Copyright ©
LiquidChaos
... [
2004-11-10 17:16:17]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Demons.
(User Rating: 1 )
by timmy2scoops on
Wednesday, 10th November 2004 @ 06:13:18 PM AEST
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a Message)
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| i can feel u on that one, what parts do u scream on? i like it, i wrote a song my self "arkansas tweekers" check it out tell me what u think its a rap/hard rock song and the chorus is sung, later. |
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Re: Demons.
(User Rating: 1 )
by Nazmythian on
Wednesday, 10th November 2004 @ 06:16:29 PM AEST
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I don't know that I am qualified to advise or criticize, but I find it a difficult read when the words are all ran together. The words are fine ... but the structure world be better suited in my opinion, if you wrote out each line and stopped where you break to breathe or pause.
For example ...
"i'll be dead within the hour. watch me bleed. i'll watch you cower ... "
I would write like ...
"I'll be dead within the hour
Watch me bleed
I'll watch you cower
It makes it easier for me to interpret closer without the music ... how you hear it.
I hope that helps ... ? I really like the words. I think they show depth.
Nazmythian ~ |
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Re: Demons.
(User Rating: 1 )
by zenmind on
Monday, 6th December 2004 @ 01:37:35 PM AEST
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I think what is really important is the content of what is written, not neccesarily the way they are written. And I must say I think the content of this poem is great. A lot of people write depressing poetry that all sounds the same. Not original, repetitive. People get too caught up in ryhme schemes that end up hindering the creativity of their poetry. They compromise what they want to say so that it can rhyme. And usually the rhymes suck. But this is not true with you, my friend. This is depressing poetry, but it rings true for me, and it is not boring. You have a lot of good lines in this one.
today i learned the only way to fall is face down. do you know how much it hurts to write this out? do you listen for the sound or for the feeling that's behind it?
Awesome. Great image. the only way to fall is face down. I do listen to the sound behind it. I think the best way to read poetry is not to read it literally, but to see the image, and feel what the image implies. Imagery is a great technique for expressing feelings, and you do it very well.
Also, I like that this is written as song lyrics. The music allows you to add an extra layer of depth, more emotion into it. I'd love to hear the song.
Be true,
zenmind |
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