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June 15 Rape
Contributed by
ina
on
Wednesday, 8th December 2004 @ 03:26:10 PM in AEST
Topic:
oops
|
Carpet-burns
leak from inside
her feet
bourbon colored nails
inside her
Yellow sores
have dried quietly
she still yells in pain
like a wet seagull
Whiskey drips
from the demons tongue
he chokes her
naked arms
like thick white veins
Battery powered brain
double black
eye eye
her powder tears only
electrocute his penis further
His unwashed saliva
shakes her soul
like an old engine
Eyeball hickeys
roll down her ass
into her
into the wall
into the mattress
into the ribbons in her hair
into the pink picture frame
a Fathers Day gift ruined
Copyright ©
ina
... [
2004-12-08 15:26:10]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: June 15 Rape
(User Rating: 1 )
by zenmind on
Wednesday, 8th December 2004 @ 06:18:27 PM AEST
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a Message)
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LOL....this is sick. Don't think I've ever met anyone as morbid as you....that "Cancer" guy on this site is really sick too, but you're funnier on top of being morbid. I love the contrast.
I could imagine the whole scene happening. Not something that I like visualizing, but that's the result of a well written poem.....
Carpet-burns
leak from inside
her feet
great way to start....I like how it is still an abstract image, yet I can still see it happening.
he chokes her
naked arms
I like how you chose to portray her arms as being naked. Not something to be expected.
Eyeball hickeys
roll down her ass
into her
into the wall
into the mattress
into the ribbons in her hair
into the pink picture frame
…a Fathers Day gift ruined
LOL, this is f*cked up. A Father's day gift ruined....LOL. I can't believe you wrote that. I'll be laughing for days because of that one.
But seriously that was my favorite part of the poem. It reminds me of the tool video of "prison sex". You might know what I mean if you've seen it. What's so great about this is the contrast between "eyeball hickey's" and "pink ribbons". It expresses the dominance of the rapist. How perverted it is. And you also express the innocence of the child. You put them together which expresses how f*cked up the whole thing is. I love it.
And the way you ended it was so funny. I've already mentioned it, but damn, you make it so light hearted at the end, in a very morbid, yet funny way.
Be True,
zenmind |
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Re: June 15 Rape
(User Rating: 1 )
by zenmind on
Wednesday, 8th December 2004 @ 06:19:45 PM AEST
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| Oh and i just noticed that you wrote this under childrens poetry. LOL Oh my God. You are so f*cking hilarious. Hahahahaha |
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Re: June 15 Rape
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Wednesday, 8th December 2004 @ 08:42:43 PM AEST
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I didn't really take this as humor - perhaps I am off base on all your work, but as usual, I am drawn by the severity in your words, your bizarre style that somehow works so well with these messed up situations you describe -
she still yells in pain
like a wet seagull
Yes - i see the pain in this myself
Nice job |
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Re: June 15 Rape
(User Rating: 1 )
by reilt on
Monday, 13th December 2004 @ 02:38:30 PM AEST
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| fantastic |
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