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puked on poem
Contributed by
briefcircle
on
Monday, 13th December 2004 @ 02:21:10 PM in AEST
Topic:
drugabuse
|
Deflowered virgin once
Such a pure reflection in his eyes
If he uncovered all the skeletons
And all your lies he would despise
Respect isnt measured in numbers
Unless your counting the actions
No disrespect, its ten to one
And I think your bags need packing
A symbol of your youth and what you once stood for
Before being thrown in the snake pit
With labels slut ***** whore
Living for the reflection
So she can illuminate their time with me
Wasted time
Useless stress on a one way street of wasted energy
Its like being chased in a dream
But I freeze or move Im weak
Curled up in a little ball
Mouth is open but I cant speak
Change change please change for me
Promises never seriously took
Its hard for me to put time in this
I got drunk and threw up on my book full of promises
Its time to change but I dont know how
Just write these wishes fake pledges
No good intensions
But its what I allow
Deflowered virgin once
Dogmatic eyes please look away
Parasites cant feed off of me
Im tainted and you are clich
Copyright ©
briefcircle
... [
2004-12-13 14:21:10]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: puked on poem
(User Rating: 1 )
by pixie on
Monday, 13th December 2004 @ 02:22:11 PM AEST
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a Message)
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I liked this as it was different lol and written well, its got good style
pixie xx |
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Re: puked on poem
(User Rating: 1 )
by zenmind on
Monday, 13th December 2004 @ 02:35:11 PM AEST
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Good job! This was creative and original. Take that as a huge compliment because it is. Most of the poetry I read on this site is very cliched, but this isn't. So did you write this when you were drunk or afterwords the next day when you reflected on puking on your writing books? You know, I think a great idea for a poem is the story where you puked on your writing books. That's a crazy image. I love crazy images in poetry. Anyway, I liked this poem....lots of good images....
Deflowered virgin once
Such a pure reflection in his eyes
If he uncovered all the skeletons
Great images always make the poem more alive....
Living for the reflection
So she can illuminate their time with me
Wasted time
Useless stress on a one way street of wasted energy
I can see how your mind works. Very negative...I get in negative mind spaces too.....hehehe......not good.
Parasites cant feed off of me
I’m tainted and you are cliché
Great ending. I love the image in the last line. Great lines at the end of poems are important. They give one last power punch to the throat that makes the reader gag and clutch their neck, it makes them pause and reflect.
Be True,
zenmind |
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Re: puked on poem
(User Rating: 1 )
by Sirena_Degana on
Wednesday, 16th March 2005 @ 07:46:40 PM AEST
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a Message)
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| dead serious when i say this...but this is probably the best poem i have ever read on this site!!!! |
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