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(hollow ring)
Contributed by
Cancer
on
Thursday, 30th December 2004 @ 10:12:10 PM in AEST
Topic:
DarkPoetry
|
(hollow ring)
gunshots mirror teardrops
(i can't stop) shooting
(i can't stop) crying
each step towards her
matched with a bullet
and a tear
watching her face get smaller
as i blow pieces of it away
like the ashes of love
like the ghosts of memories
unreal
it all seems
and i can't stop myself
from screaming "i love you"
each time i pull the trigger
her body finally falls
and i empty the clip at her
not really aiming
sending pieces of stomach
pieces of breast
pieces of my past
sailing across the living room
in lonely, bloody arcs
numb fingers drop the gun
beside her, on my knees
and in the final moments of conciousness
my mind pulses, bursts
snapshots that will never fade
pictures of her in that bed
pictures of her moaning face
pictures of his tattooed smile
and as the slideshow cycles through
again and again
my eyes fall to her bloodless hand
my eyes fall on her fingers
tears blur vision as i stare
at that (hollow) ring
the ring that looks just like mine
the ring that means nothing now
(hollow ring
empty promises
dead love
goodbye)
Copyright ©
Cancer
... [
2004-12-30 22:12:10]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: (hollow ring)
(User Rating: 1 )
by Essentially9 on
Thursday, 30th December 2004 @ 10:14:55 PM AEST
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a Message)
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| i think some of the repetitions could have been left out to make this better. ever since i started listening to nirvana, i cant stand reading poems/songs about guns. ::sigh:: |
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Re: (hollow ring)
(User Rating: 1 )
by blacksabbath026 on
Thursday, 30th December 2004 @ 10:37:45 PM AEST
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a Message)
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| amazing, this poem was great, one of the best ive read in a very long time, keep it up |
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Re: (hollow ring)
(User Rating: 1 )
by bobotheclown on
Friday, 31st December 2004 @ 01:32:45 AM AEST
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a Message)
|
my goodness Roy this was friggin amazing it
was good to see something else by you, but I
think the wait was worth it. Wow there was so
many things that just stood out in this... this
poem was just perfection. I wish I could write
half as good as you man. I hope your doing
well buddy.
Bobo (Joel) |
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Re: (hollow ring)
(User Rating: 1 )
by zenmind on
Saturday, 1st January 2005 @ 11:49:35 PM AEST
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a Message)
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Dark, morbid, insane.....that seems to be your style. I like it.
My favorite line is
(hollow ring
empty promises
dead love
goodbye)
I felt that
Be True,
zenmind |
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Re: (hollow ring)
(User Rating: 1 )
by sicknivesevered on
Wednesday, 5th January 2005 @ 05:17:01 PM AEST
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a Message)
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Agh, Essentially9 this isn't about a gun, and shame on you for listening to Nirvana to begin with. XD (i think i am ***** up)
Moving on... this was fantastic. The whole thing was unreal. ***** brilliant. |
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