|
Menu
|
|
|
Social
|
|
|
|
Dark Bird's Rune
Contributed by
Vitreous_Soul
on
Wednesday, 28th December 2005 @ 11:18:34 PM in AEST
Topic:
DarkPoetry
|
'Can ravens, benighted, reach radiant endings Can black-feathered hunters find lily-white fields Can pitchless dark figments with no one's defending Capture the purity which Eden now yields'
Amidst aphotic skies, by scant clouds besprent Despite chaotic eyes, he grows somnolent Without purpose he glides, oblivion sent While his will now elides, last bit of life spent
This ending is sacred, as Janus decrees Descending in lifespan, aurora foresees Destination; beyond, beleaguered he flies Hesitation, despond, last trip through these skies
With such anguish to croon, his path has gone wrong Sings the Dark Bird's Rune; malevolent swansong Melody resonates in lazuline air Hopelessness permeates, sweet tune of despair
Conundrum; a riddle, a soul-piercing dirge Faint singing falls brittle, may dead wings emerge Accursed affliction, emblem of nighttide Exhausted transfixion; meth, emeth divide
Dusk curtains autumnal, sharp tempest arrives Blurred vision grows umbral, symbolic nose-dive A moment, a picture, trapped by setting sun A silhouette fixture with beauty to stun
Past sapphire oceans, and filled with deplore Fast fading are motions, soon movement no more Spiral of abhorrence, the trail that fate paves He plunges 'neath torrents of merciless waves
Yet these notes echo still, reverberation Transpierce mountains and hills, knows no cessation The song's mem'ry striking, through death and repose As thorn-jagged lightning, sound flashes and glows
A raven's sonata, a pulchritude sad Musical 'membrance of a life never had
Copyright ©
Vitreous_Soul
... [
2005-12-28 23:18:34] (Date/Time posted on
site)
Advertisments:
|
|
|
|
|
Sorry, comments are no longer allowed for anonymous, please register for a free membership to access this feature and more
|
|
All comments are owned by the poster. Your Poetry
Dot Com is not responsible for the content of any
comment. That said, if you find an offensive comment, please
contact via the FeedBack Form with details, including poem title
etc.
|
|
|
Re: Dark Bird's Rune
(User Rating: 1 ) by Silent-No-More on
Thursday, 29th December 2005 @ 12:47:15 AM AEST (User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
You had me with "last trip through these skies", Dan. This is... so.... lush with imagery and symbolism. It's really rather majestic... the music, heavy... loud... triumphantly climatic, pounding inside me as I read through. It depicts, I'd say, not just a moment --- but the everything in and of that moment. And geesh... it resonates.
Excellent!
~Snemmy |
|
|
Re: Dark Bird's Rune
(User Rating: 1 ) by Former_Member on
Saturday, 31st December 2005 @ 12:36:46 PM AEST (User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
Incredible rhythmn!
I faltered just a bit in the fourth stanza.
This write runs the gambit through so many levels, for me there was hope....then not. I can't even begin to scratch the surface of what else is in here....but I am sure going back to delve in it for a while!!!
Very Impressive!!! |
|
|
Re: Dark Bird's Rune
(User Rating: 1 ) by Former_Member on
Sunday, 22nd January 2006 @ 07:51:23 PM AEST (User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
Very very dense, and quite verbose, you are truly are master of your particular craft. I would like to see something a little more contemporary though, and something a little easier to swallow. Good writing, nonetheless. |
|
|
Re: Dark Bird's Rune
(User Rating: 1 ) by Eve on
Wednesday, 15th February 2006 @ 08:04:19 AM AEST (User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
"Conundrum; a riddle, a soul-piercing dirge
Faint singing falls brittle, may dead wings emerge"
Those were among my favourite lines. Truly, though, this is one of those pieces where I can never be sure how many great lines I miss each time, so I had to read it several and pretty much pick it apart. (This is a good thing.)
But at the heart of this poem is terrible despair, which I would say is crafted well but I also believe that most of it came from the emotion behind it. So I suppose the correct wording would be that the emotion is crafted well... still, you also used what I've come to know as your insane rhyme scheme... which I don't know how you pull off at all.
This is definitely a pulchritide sad, from the first line to the last.
Keep writing or be inflicted with aphasia,
-Eve. |
|
|
Re: Dark Bird's Rune
(User Rating: 1 ) by darkangeleyes57 on
Friday, 26th January 2007 @ 08:34:39 AM AEST (User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
I don't know what to say to this besides it was amazing.. I had found your picture or one that I thought was you in the forums and I wanted to see the poetry that you write and I am glad that I did... I think you have amazing talent.. This poem was sad and very beautiful...
Take Care
Christina |
|
|
Re: Dark Bird's Rune
(User Rating: 1 ) by forever_lonely on
Friday, 18th May 2007 @ 04:25:11 AM AEST (User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
Hey Dan how are you hopefully all goes well and the writes come thick and fast like the lyrics that flow through your mind.
This was masterful, a real test to your ever increasing ability and talent, the flow and tempo of the whole piece left and disturbing ringing in my ears while each word carressed some inner demon i thought disappeared into my sub-concious, lost but not forgotten it would seem.
Im particularly impressed with the verses ;
'With such anguish to croon, his path has gone wrong
Sings the Dark Bird's Rune; malevolent swansong
Melody resonates in lazuline air
Hopelessness permeates, sweet tune of despair
Conundrum; a riddle, a soul-piercing dirge
Faint singing falls brittle, may dead wings emerge
Accursed affliction, emblem of nighttide
Exhausted transfixion; meth, emeth divide'
Setting the feeling for the whole piece and giving it meaning in 8 simple lines
very impressed my friend as always but somewhat astounded and left gutted by crows with this piece, bravo.
'Hanging by his intestines waiting for a death begot'
Luke |
|
|
|