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Array ( [sid] => 173081 [catid] => 1 [aid] => mick [title] => Candlelight [time] => 2012-06-19 16:30:57 [hometext] => my first attempt at writing and submitting a poem :) hopefully it's ok [bodytext] => When all the lights go out,
And the moon is all we have,
We stay safe and secure,
Under the protection of our candlelight.

The light promises warmth and easily gives,
It is what we need, ignoring the present.
It reveals our dark surroundings,
While we remain by our candlelight.

The wax burns and the moon remains,
The flame distorts the silver light and creates our own.
We are breaking away from the earth,
We rebel with our precious candlelight.

Silver changes to daylight as the moon shies away,
The strength from the candle diminishes.
Its exuberance is taken by the sunís growth,
As it outmatches our candlelight.

The earth notices our presence,
And we notice its existence.
Itís not the same place it was moments ago,
When we were guarded by our candlelight.


By Nikki [comments] => 3 [counter] => 232 [topic] => 43 [informant] => nikki080794 [notes] => Corrected spelling per request ~ Moderator_18 June 19, 2012 [ihome] => 0 [alanguage] => english [acomm] => 0 [haspoll] => 0 [pollID] => 0 [score] => 0 [ratings] => 0 [editpoem] => 0 [associated] => [topicname] => oops )
Candlelight

Contributed by nikki080794 on Tuesday, 19th June 2012 @ 04:30:57 PM in AEST
Topic: oops



When all the lights go out,
And the moon is all we have,
We stay safe and secure,
Under the protection of our candlelight.

The light promises warmth and easily gives,
It is what we need, ignoring the present.
It reveals our dark surroundings,
While we remain by our candlelight.

The wax burns and the moon remains,
The flame distorts the silver light and creates our own.
We are breaking away from the earth,
We rebel with our precious candlelight.

Silver changes to daylight as the moon shies away,
The strength from the candle diminishes.
Its exuberance is taken by the sunís growth,
As it outmatches our candlelight.

The earth notices our presence,
And we notice its existence.
Itís not the same place it was moments ago,
When we were guarded by our candlelight.


By Nikki




Copyright © nikki080794 ... [ 2012-06-19 16:30:57]
(Date/Time posted on site)





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Re: Candlelight (User Rating: 1 )
by richard2 on Tuesday, 19th June 2012 @ 09:27:54 PM AEST
(User Info | Send a Message)
I'd say it's more than OK, it's very good .The atmosphere is genuine and touching which is what we can hope for in our metaphors and scribblings.
For a first try it really is very appealing.

write more

richard


Re: Candlelight (User Rating: 1 )
by Raggie on Wednesday, 20th June 2012 @ 03:56:38 AM AEST
(User Info | Send a Message)
I agree with Richard. You have done well. Your poem has texture. It's good. Please write more and more:)


Re: Candlelight (User Rating: 1 )
by Sasha on Monday, 25th June 2012 @ 10:54:22 PM AEST
(User Info | Send a Message)
very well written, Nikki..




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