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you heat up my world
Contributed by
ilovecasey
on
Wednesday, 18th May 2005 @ 02:14:15 PM in AEST
Topic:
LovePoetry
|
Fire trucks are white
Your light is blue
You heat up my world
Like no other can do
You Race to a call
Disobeying all the laws
To rescue my heart
From fiery claws
The smoke is bellowing
Flames shooting high
The sweat drips downward
Obscuring your eyes
The fire is blazing
The heat warm and true
Can I take out your hose
And make love to you
The fire extinguished
Smoke blowing away
Off goes the blue light
With hose stowed away
The fire maybe out
But you're holding me tight
We can lay melt together
Until new flames ignite
Copyright ©
ilovecasey
... [
2005-05-18 14:14:15]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: you heat up my world
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Sunday, 13th November 2005 @ 04:56:37 PM AEST
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Info | Send
a Message)
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I like the poem -- interesting in its use of simple rhymes to create a word picture. I usually don't like poems that have many single sylabol rhymes, but nthis one works.
The only thing I'd suggest to the writer is breaking the poem up into stanzas...the poem is a bit daunting visually. It's not too big a deal, but breaking the poem up would have improved the poem's readability ease. |
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Re: you heat up my world
(User Rating: 1 )
by Tiffany_23_t on
Monday, 14th November 2005 @ 03:27:38 PM AEST
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a Message)
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| great poem!! keep up the good work! |
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Re: you heat up my world
(User Rating: 1 )
by vox on
Saturday, 19th November 2005 @ 04:28:29 PM AEST
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a Message)
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| sweet little poem.good job! |
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