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Watch Over Your Dust
Contributed by
puppy_dog_eyes
on
Friday, 18th September 2020 @ 10:30:29 PM in AEST
Topic:
SadPoetry
|
Now I am become rebirth, the destroyer of man
The scab that festers and pours toxic pus into my veins
The parasite that gnaws my innards, leaving putrified remains
Your wantom disregard the scars that I carry
Decades of brutality etched all over me
My temporary disease, you have outlived your tenure
Time is my ally, now I serving notice on your eviction
Insidious plague halted, cauterised to stem further wound
In the mirror you are ironclad, but I know you are brittle
Too long a passenger to your arrogant destruction
Life will be renewed with such sweet retribution
No moral high ground to cling to in encircling flood
I am judge, jury, witness to your impending demise
Repentance will be futile, a hollow echo without meaning
Virus, poverty, man against man, I offer no affirmation
Just a promise, to watch over your dust
Copyright ©
puppy_dog_eyes
... [
2020-09-18 22:30:29]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Watch Over Your Dust
(User Rating: 1 )
by JamesStockdale on
Saturday, 19th September 2020 @ 12:58:19 AM AEST
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a Message)
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Wow puppy, sad and very deep as well.
The last stanza says it all.
Excellent word choices and flow... |
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Re: Watch Over Your Dust
(User Rating: 1 )
by hauntedscorp on
Saturday, 19th September 2020 @ 02:21:06 PM AEST
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I like the twist on the Robert Oppenheimer quote. Personally I found it uplifting, as opposed to sad. That title and last line delivery is very effective! My favourite line is:
//My temporary disease, you have outlived your tenure//
By no means is it the strongest line, (ample competition here), but just the same ... Well done. :)
Deliciously descriptive phrasing throughout this amazing write. I love the opening note about the world fighting back. Then closing with //a promise to watch over your dust//.
Welcome back, Steve. ... But seriously, this poem hangs in the air long after the last word is read.
Very effective and just plain, cool writing to read. Two thumbs way up!!
Keep at it.
~Scorp |
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Re: Watch Over Your Dust
(User Rating: 1 )
by speedy on
Saturday, 19th September 2020 @ 04:47:02 PM AEST
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I have heard of Oppenheimer, but never read anything of his. This was a great write.
Hannah B |
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Re: Watch Over Your Dust
(User Rating: 1 )
by Aurelia on
Sunday, 20th September 2020 @ 12:09:14 AM AEST
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| Dark and twisty, very strong emotive writing. Thank you for this. |
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Re: Watch Over Your Dust
(User Rating: 1 )
by Voice of the Silent on
Sunday, 20th September 2020 @ 06:15:50 AM AEST
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I don/'/t know the quote but liked the poem. The word choice and imagery are great there/'/s a lot going on for sure. Reads as good if you read the whole thing backwards to I thought was cool anyway always good to see great reads
Hope to see more soon
-Voice |
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Re: Watch Over Your Dust
(User Rating: 1 )
by unknown_utopia on
Monday, 15th November 2021 @ 07:49:35 AM AEST
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a Message)
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How did I miss this one?
Really good flow.... |
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