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WE LOVE YOU!
Contributed by
spazz911
on
Friday, 8th April 2005 @ 10:38:25 PM in AEST
Topic:
InspirationalPoems
|
You say your alone,
you say no one cares,
you say that your death,
is the only answer there.
Well Im telling you its NOT,
its not the only way,
and as for who cares ,
just look and youll see
see the person thats here
see the person thats me.
I no that you say
That your life is a drag
So Ill tell you that my life
Is sometimes a nag
But dont you see?
There are others here
Cause my sister I love you
You know that I care.
Now maybe youll see
When I yell with rage
Of the thought of you giving up
In this day and age.
You have such potential
And a glorious gift
You were given life
What more is amiss?
Well I tell you DONT die
For Id miss you too much
And if you dont get it,
Well wait just a touch
Ill give you a hug
Ill write you this poem!
But no matter what
Dont you ever give up!
Cause right now, all you can see
Are the downs and the rains
That nobodys pointing
Or shouting your name
But soon your dayll come
And youll be happy at that
Youll be proud that you lived
And that you never gave up
So Jenny, no Jenny
No never leave me
Cause what wed all go through
Youd NEVER believe
Copyright ©
spazz911
... [
2005-04-08 22:38:25]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: WE LOVE YOU!
(User Rating: 1 )
by emystar on
Saturday, 9th April 2005 @ 01:08:48 AM AEST
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Info | Send
a Message)
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Good write, my friend.
I too hope it helps.
Hang tuff.
luv, huggs, prayer,
emy |
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Re: WE LOVE YOU!
(User Rating: 1 )
by Essentially9 on
Monday, 9th May 2005 @ 08:45:34 PM AEST
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a Message)
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| well i think that this poem was good generally, but there were some things i noticed that could make this better. in the beginning you say this, "you say" three times, and that is too much. then you do the same with "see the person that's" two times. you have a sketchy rhyme scheme that is forced in a lot of places. this poem was considerably long for the message, and since this is supposed to get a message across, why use more verses than you need? with less words there can be more power if done right. some people use less words and it seems imcomplete. but a simple poem would do well enough for this. using stanzas would make this not seem so wrong and checking spelling also. but i hope your friend got the message and felt loved. one thing i noticed that was good about this is that you capitalized words that were important, but not using it excessively. many people capitalize the entire poem making it hard on the eyes and making me think they are shouting at me stupid verses that are not important enough to be capitalized all the way through. you have a good concept, one that i often times use for my own writes, and you wrote it very well and realistically in that way. ill be seeing more soon... |
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